The Santa Ramona Chronicles

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The Charge Soda Man


We all know Dr Roberts from the Charge Soda adverts, extolling its praises. Or maybe from the TV interview on the Ella Show. And now Santa Ramona Valley’s newest celebrity has agreed to an interview with the Chronicles. Dr Gunther Roberts is a psychiatrist at Santa Ramona General Hospital, and we interviewed him on his lunch break. He qualified at Chicago University and did his residency in Chicago as well. He’s worked in New York, Atlanta and his last place of work before coming to Santa Ramona was Dallas. He’s a recent arrival in Santa Ramona. Explaining his moves, he told the Chronicles that most of his patients are what he calls “short term situations”. He helps out people with specific problems and once he’s helped they don’t need him any more. After a year or two he moves on. So how did a psychiatrist come to invent an energy drink? Dr Roberts explained that he has a specialty in metabolic aid. A lot of his patients had tried a variety of supplements to self-medicate, and so, to help them, he had to figure out what worked and what didn’t. His formula came from the knowledge he gained. He insisted that, while Charge Soda does contain around the same amount of sugar as other energy drinks it only contains around sixty or seventy percent of other sodas. He also pointed out that the amount of caffeine in an energy drink is massive compared to black coffee. Charge Soda, on the other hand, contains less, about the same amount as a cup of decaf, this trace coming from the Green Coffee Bean Extract it contains. He won’t reveal his formula, unsurprisingly, but says there are over a dozen herbs and extracts in the soda. Each works to increase your metabolism a small amount. But the combined effects are not additive, but rather each multiplies the effects of others. But he is surprised that people took literally his assertion that Charge Soda can replace sleep. Sleep is essential to mental health, he agrees. But, he asked, how many times do you cut back on your sleep to make time for the other demands on your time. Charge Soda, he says, is designed to give you the energy you would have had if you didn’t cut sleep. So there it is, clear for everyone. We now know what is claimed for Charge Soda. And, having explained all this to us in a simple and straightforward manner, as befits a skilled professional, Dr Roberts had to return to his work of the hospital.

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