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The Santa Ramona Chronicles

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City Hall Sex Doll Prank

At approximately 2:17 pm on April 29th, 2018, it came to the attention of the Santa Ramona Valley Police Department, that a sex doll with various phallic sex toys protruding from all of its orifices had been placed on the steps of the main entrance to Santa Ramona Valley City Hall.

Several passers-by and observers gawked, stared, and pointed at the rather obscene and colorful arrangment of marital aids. Some even offered comments and theories about why these things were placed and what the meaning behind it was if any.

With a recent terroristic attack on the same building just 9 days prior, law enforcement and other citizens following current event, cannot rule out the possibility of the two incidents being connected.

Officer, Jason Briggs who was none to thrilled to find the plastic blonde propped on all fours in the entryway, just as he was just exiting the building at the end of his shift. Briggs did, however, pausefor a brief interview with the present press, before he would call in the incident to his department.

Vicky Berry: "As we can see there are several *chuckles* um what do you call these...Dildos and..the doll is being penetrated from all angles. Do you think this is connected to the bombing last week? Perhaps there is some sort of message being sent, sir?"

Officer Briggs: ""Do I think the fact some virgin dumped his date on the steps is related to a terrorist attack... I highly doubt it, but nothing gets ruled out.. "

The disgruntled police officer declined further questioning. Several others came forward to share their opinions, although none of them were eye witnesses and could not provide evidence.

One young lady who was just happened to be visiting from a nearby town identified herself as "Sagret" She shared the following quote:

"Probably someone tries to say they want to fuck this city. Just look at the placement of the toys and location of the doll! They could leave it literally anywhere else, but yet they picked up city hall. I do not believe it's coincidence"

A young lady named Solstyse, a student of Santa Ramona Valley University offered a contrasting opinion:

"I disagree. Someone just had a "You know what would be funny? Hold my beer!" moment. And they picked city hall because really where else in town could possibly be more daring or funnier? I have no idea who did this, but I'm a big fan of their work. And, you don't go from trying to kill people to a harmless joke like this. It's someone else. I think Santa Ramona should just treat this the way Glasgow treats the traffic cone on top of the Duke of Wellington's statue."

Despite all of the debating and theories that onlookers came up with, later on that evening, The Santa Ramona Valley Chronicles received a voice mail from call from a person who identified herself as the prankster, leaving her contact information and the following message:

“Yeah Hi. This is Mary Mystery. I ummm I’m the chick that pranked city hall with that sex doll. You can ascertain I am who I claim to be as I know she is labeled with a stamp on her foot naming the model as ‘Raunchy Rachael’. I just called in to let you know that the whole thing was just a joke, and had no deeper meaning than my sense of humour being blatantly lewd. Sorry for all the trouble.”

The voice mail recording was turned over to Santa Ramona Valley Police Department.

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