top of page

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

Recent Posts

420 Ramps up Valley Crime

With California Marijuana laws still under heavy debate in the State Senate, last night's Beach Blast sponsored by Grateful Meds gave plenty of Anti-420'ers much to talk about. The recently established marijuana dispensary hosted a party on Santa Ramona's nude beach attracting a wave of criminal activity and crippling the city's holiday traffic flow.

Eye witness report a prostitution ring known as The Lemondrops were in attendance at the event and engaging in lewd acts on the public beach. The head of the ring is believed to be known as "Mary". Undisclosed sources say the Lemondrop ring may have international ties in the human sex trafficking industry. "And a bunch of them Mexicans" Said Ms. Bea Wells, NPC and President of the Santa Ramona Historical society said "And not the good ones who make your bed the right way. These were the evil type. Though one of them was going to eat Sausage, the dog."

Animal Rights Activist were also up in arms when a small dog known as Sausage was fed cannabis cookies by its owner. While the animal showed no signs of immediate harm, Animal Rights Activist are stating it is a human rights crime to feed animals controlled substances as they lack the ability to consent. The Santa Ramona Animal Protection Agency says they will be investigating the matter.

The event also caused a four hour back up along Pacific Avenue. Santa Ramona police state that no arrangements were made by Grateful Meds to pay for off duty police officers to assist with rerouting traffic. One source at the permit department stated the Civil Engineering office approved the permit only hours before the event took place. The delay was due to environmental authorities authorizing the use of cannabis in a natural reserve area.

In response to the spike in prostitution and crime the Mayor has promised to increase the number of officers patrolling Santa Ramona. Recruiting has already begun and the Mayor plans to be vigorous in finding the best.