THE sANTA rAMONA cHRONICLES

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

September 8, 2018

How are the British Museum, the Aztec Empire and Santa Ramona Valley tied together? 

Possibly by a missing $600,000 theft.  

On June 17, 2018 a traveling exhibit from the British Museum as robbed in New York.  One of the items taken was a ancient coatl called the Jaded Serpant. 

"The Coatl is an Aztec soldier's ceremonial breastplate. It has two heads that are tied up by a tail" according to Eduardo Ignacio Suarez Romero, a member of the Obsidian Serpents.  "The Obsidian Serpents are descended from Aztecs, both genetically and culturally."  

The small (8 inch x 17 inch x 2 inch)  "is made of cedro wood and covered with mosaic made of turquoise and red thorny oyster shell."  Mr. Romero believe that the thief fled New York and is currently hiding in Santa Ramona Valley.  

Mr. Romero is the same person who is rumored to have started shooting at the Hotel Cortez sign last weekend because it celebrated the man who conquered the Az...

September 3, 2018

On Saturday, August 11th a hooded figure stalked a young woman through town.  When the pair reached the vacant parking spots across from the church the hooded figure attacked. 

The attacker, known as the Chaos Killer, tried to jab the woman with a needle.  The victim used her camera flash as a distraction but it was sheer luck that the attacker stumbled.  The fact that heroin would be found in the attacker's system probably helped that stumble, giving the victim a chance to fight back. 

The Chaos Killer grabbed the woman's hair, coming at her with a knife. "Ended up with three stitches but one of my swings connected and I pushed.  He let go of my hair when he fell backwards.  I took off running and screaming.” Said the victim.

Her screams alerted Santa Ramona Police Chief, Sarina Jade, who arrested the hooded figure. 

The three stitches the young woman received were nothing compared to what had happened to the Chaos Killer’s previous victi...

September 3, 2018

As the search for Theo Courvoisier continues police have decided to offer a $20,000 reward for viable information that leads to the apprehension of the man, accused of kidnapping and torturing multiple Santa Ramona citizens. 

Courvoisier escaped custody during his trial after the judge ordered a courtroom window open.  The air conditioning had gone out in the courtroom and the judge was sweating. 

Chief of Police, Sarina Jade, relayed the wanted posters all over town have been ineffectual.  "They were getting vandalized which leads me to believe he's still in the area." 

Cheif Jade believes that Courvoisier has associates aiding his evasion of the police.  "He's a smart man or he wouldn't have been able to remain free for so long. He should know that we are going to find him." 

Jade added "And his friends should know that our next step, if this doesn't yield results, is to start getting warrants for all his known associates. Unless they want us breathing dow...

September 3, 2018

Today marked the grand opening of The Foxhole.  It is Santa Ramona Valley's first LGBTQ bar and dance club. 

The outside brick facade is nothing to really look at but once you pass under the flashing sign be prepared to see it all.  Inside the garishly decorated rooms the waitstaff is wearing the bare minimum but are very attentive.  The drinks served were good and strong.  The club will not serve meals but will have bar snacks available. 

The club colors of purple, teal and dark blue are prominent throughout.  Each represents one of the owners Kido, Gin and Kristian Fox.  The walls are covered with explicit photographs.  The front room is where the bar and dance floor are located.  Behind them, through a set of windowed doors is the 'private' kink area.  Here the walls also have racks of whips, floggers and assorted insert-able devices.

The final area of the club is the most lovely.  A romantic rooftop deck

overlooking the ocean.  T...

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