THE sANTA rAMONA cHRONICLES

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

November 23, 2017

FIRE IN THE BAR!

During the night of Saturday, November 18th, there was an incident at Wolfe's Tavern. A fire sparked up during the Wet N' Wild event that was Mary's after party to her spanking party.

Having witnessed this first hand, there was four of us on stage when Owner Evelyn threw a water balloon and missed her target; the balloon hitting a light causing sparks to fly, igniting the curtains. No one was harmed and the fire was put out quickly.

Wolfe Tavern's Speak Easy Event!

We were fortunate to obtain photographs from the Speak Easy Event on Monday, November 20th. Below are the photographs we have. We were also told this event was a big hit!

November 15, 2017

Shooting at Wolfe's!

On November 10th, 2017, there was a shooting at Wolf's Tavern, leaving the owner wounded in the hospital and one still free. According to a secret source there was a man on a crotch rocket wearing a helmet who shot the owner point-blank in the shoulder. This man is still at large from the information I could find, so while we have little information to give to the public, let's talk about what the man was driving.

Okay, so who drives a crotch rocket these days? and a helmet? Can we say helmet hair? I think we all need to find the one man with helmet hair around town, because that would be the man we are in danger from!

Officer in Trouble?

It was reported that on November 12th that it was reported a officer shot an animal for no reason! On this day, Officer Brentt had come across a man and woman, the woman seeming to be on crunches looking for her dog while the man was holding a gun. Instead of doing his proper job, the officer seemed to either miss or not be focused an...

November 1, 2017

The rumour mill has long held that there are criminal forces active in Chinatown. However, when the Chronicle tries to get a source on record, or even off the record, silence ensues. When asked about gang or criminal activity, the denizens that haunt the narrow and twisted alleys laugh and wave off the suggestion as absurd, all while looking over their shoulders to see who is listening. 

Recently I was blessed with an exclusive interview with a source that claims to know the scoop on Chinatown. The source would only provide this interview under our assurance that the identity of this individual not be revealed. Obviously, this information cannot be confirmed, but serves as warning to all of us to be careful when visiting this very mysterious enclave within Santa Ramona Valley.

The source reports that there is what is known as a Matron of Chinatown. She is thought to be a wise woman who poses as a cleaning woman or laundry owner. Everyone with true knowledge knows nothing happens in China...

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