THE sANTA rAMONA cHRONICLES

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

March 6, 2019

Serina Del Nero, an aspiring chef and clerk in 'Asher's Music' store located out on Shady street, is the latest hire for the Santa Ramona Valley Fire Department. 

 Chief Dimitri Rousseau of the Santa Ramona Fire Vallley Department told the Chronicles that he is "..excited about this new hire, an aspiring chef will be good for the department an' give Serina herself a place that will appreciate her cookin' an' let her experiment wit' her dishes before she breaks ground in some fancy restaurant of her own."  


The Chief added that he had hired Serina Del Nero on a part time basis and was glad to have her on board with plans to collaborate for fund raising events in future.

Serina Del Nero herself states, "It's an honor to work here for... those brave people that need to keep themselves  fit and still deserve a nice taste for their meals, and that's way less easy than do whatever i could with butter and oil to put some crunchy, and unhealthy, stuff on a table. This is instead quite a cha...

November 25, 2018

Elaine Giles and Rich Preston are your average SRV teenagers.  So it isn't much of a surprise they snuck out to hang out together despite Elaine being grounded.  "It was a totally unfair grounding.  I paid my little brother to do my chores so he should get grounded for them not getting done not me" the fifteen year old Elaine said.  Fair or not the grounded Elaine snuck out of the house and headed off to the hiking trails with Rich at about eight pm last night. 

The two were headed to look out point.  "Make out point is more like it" said Rich.  "I had just gotten my hand on her boob when she started screaming."  Elaine wasn't  screaming about the inappropriate touching.  "There was this old dude, like really oldy time dude standing there.  He had one of those curved pick axes and he was coming at us."  Rich apparently saw something similar "This rough looking guy was carrying a sack like he was going to throw it off the cliff or something."...

November 1, 2017

The rumour mill has long held that there are criminal forces active in Chinatown. However, when the Chronicle tries to get a source on record, or even off the record, silence ensues. When asked about gang or criminal activity, the denizens that haunt the narrow and twisted alleys laugh and wave off the suggestion as absurd, all while looking over their shoulders to see who is listening. 

Recently I was blessed with an exclusive interview with a source that claims to know the scoop on Chinatown. The source would only provide this interview under our assurance that the identity of this individual not be revealed. Obviously, this information cannot be confirmed, but serves as warning to all of us to be careful when visiting this very mysterious enclave within Santa Ramona Valley.

The source reports that there is what is known as a Matron of Chinatown. She is thought to be a wise woman who poses as a cleaning woman or laundry owner. Everyone with true knowledge knows nothing happens in China...

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