THE sANTA rAMONA cHRONICLES

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

Comic characters in the Boiler Room

Where could you find Supergirl, Cat Woman, Poison Ivy, Iron Man, Captain America, a Sith and at least two Jokers all together? Well my dears, not in a comic book, since they are a mixture of creations by different publishers. The correct answer is in the Boiler Room in Santa Ramona Valley. They were all to be found at the Second Annual Comic Con held there this Sunday. Santa Ramona residents all dressed up as their favorite characters and danced the night away surrounded by statues of other characters like Yoda and Black Panther. Not to forget one dancer who, in an open challenge to the creative artists of DC and Marvel, came dressed as her Dungeons & Dragons character. Music was provided,

Surveillance Cameras Deter Crime

This is the second in our occasional series publishing opinions of the residents of Santa Ramona Valley. We welcome responses and will publish the best ones. We welcome responses and will publish the best ones. We also welcome opinion articles on other topics. Articles published under the heading of 'Opinion' do not necessarily represent the views and opinion of the Chronicles. In the city of Santa Ramona, there are very few surveillance cameras, yet in other urban areas, surveillance cameras are more prolific. According to Urbanwire.com “Public surveillance camera systems can be a cost-effective way to deter, document, and reduce crime.” Yet SRV does not utilize this cost-effective crime

The Legalization of Prostitution: a further letter

On July 12th we ran our first opinion piece in the Chronicles. Written by Isabella Carter, it argued that prostitution should be legalized in Santa Ramona Valley. We asked for people to submit their own opinions. We have published a number of replies. Today we publish the first reply submitted by a woman.We welcome responses, from both men and women, to the original article or to the responses. From Ianna Snow: While reading the article discussing prostitution in Santa Ramona, and the responses, I am drawn to an interesting conclusion. Men want it, but don't want it to be overt. What's that mean? If you keep it criminal, there are no records, no documentation. The rich and powerful can

Have a Super Time at Comic Con

It’s the Second Annual Comic Con event at Santa Ramona’s Boiler Room this Sunday, July 26th from 3 – 6 p.m. It’s like Halloween in July were our residents and guests dress as their favorite comic book hero or villain. You don’t need to be in costume to join in the fun, but it might pay you to dress it up. Your host, Joseph Styles is giving a $500 prize for the best costume. Check your inventory for that Joker outfit you bought five years ago and join the fun. When asked about the first Comic Con event and how things went Joseph was quick to respond "Yes, the first one was a big success. Doing the event in the middle of the blockbuster movie season and the San Diego Comic Con usually has pe

The Legalization of Prostitution: Two Further Responses.

On July 12th we ran our first opinion piece in the Chronicles. Written by Isabella Carter, it argued that prostitution should be legalized in Santa Ramona Valley. We asked for people to submit their own opinions. Yesterday we published a reply by Under Sheriff Azariah Brentt, written in a personal capacity. Today we publish two further replies. We welcome responses both to the original article and to the responses. From Slim Hutchinson: While Ms Carter may have her heart in the right place, she should look deeper into the possible results of the action. Would she be fine with Mrs. Wilson on the corner setting up a lemonade stand only instead of lemonade for a quarter, she gives head behind a

Prostitution: a reply to Isabella Carter

On July 12th we ran our first opinion piece in the Chronicles. Written by Isabella Carter, it argued that prostitution should be legalized in Santa Ramona Valley. We asked for people to submit their own opinions. This reply is by Under Sheriff Azariah Brentt of the Santa Ramona Sheriff’s Department. It is, as he makes clear, his own personal opinion and not that of the SRSD. I am not one to usually speak my mind on most subjects. However, as I have already been quoted in this, out of context I might add. I feel the need to consolidate the reason behind my views. Before I begin I want to make it VERY clear this is my personal stand, not the view of the law or the Sheriff's Department. My word

Chaos in Wolfe’s as Dr Roberts arrested

There was chaos in Wolfe’s Tavern last night as the Sheriff’s Department seized and arrested Dr Gunther Roberts, developer of Charge Soda.. This follows the exposure by SRV7 News and the Santa Ramona Chronicles of the subliminal messages in his adverts. Armed with a warrant for Dr Roberts’ arrest, Deputies went to both his work and home addresses, eventually tracking him down to Wolfe’s Tavern, where a Ladies Night was in progress. Sheriff Sarina Jade Ramirez, accompanied by Under Sheriff Brentt, entered the Tavern and attempted to arrest him. Dr Roberts responded by using a phone with a flashing light to put Wolfe’s owner, who was serving behind the bar, into a trance and ordered her to

Summer Fun is Back on the Pier

It's summer and the Hot Air Balloon and the Ferris Wheel are back out there on the boardwalk waiting for you to come and ride them. Check out the photos to see the views of Santa Ramona you don't get on the ground! Photos: From the Ferris Wheel, looking over Imperial Square. From the Hot Air Balloon, looking southwards. From the Hot Air Balloon, looking northwards.

Charge Soda: New Allegations

New allegations have arisen against Charge Soda, after it was cleared of containing a toxic ingredient. This time it concerns their adverts. It is now alleged that they contain subliminal messages that could incite people to commit crimes. The allegation were made on last Wednesday’s SRV7 evening news by TV journalist Kent Kenwood. He revealed that SRV7’s video experts had discovered the subliminal messages when they slowed down the advert. He ran a tape of the slowed down advert on the news so that viewers could check for themselves. He explained that, while the continuous music in the advert runs at a frequency of 100hz, the subliminal messages run at the slower 4hz. This slow frequenc

Gala event at the Hotel Cortez

Almas Barone and Alessandro Vicentini Leone Ottavio Moretti, son of Santa Ramona's Mayor, and Estrella Garza, CEO of SRV7 Studios and presenter of TV's Ella Show, were among the one hundred guests at Saturday night's elegant gala event at the Hotel Cortez. The event was hosted by Famiglia Barone, represented by CEO Almas Barone and the CEO of Hotel Cortez, Alessandro Vicentini (seen in the photo) The purpose of the event was to present their wine brands to the west coast and unveil their marketing campaign. The marketing campaign will star Ella Garza. Famiglia Barone own a famous traditional vineyard in the central Italian region of Tuscany. This vineyard produces a Chianti, that has bee

Make Prostitution Legal in SRV

This is the first of our new series publishing opinions of the residents of Santa Ramona Valley. We welcome responses and will publish the best ones. Articles published under the heading of 'Opinion' do not necessarily represent the views and opinion of the Chronicles. Britannica.com defines prostitution as "the practice of engaging in relatively indiscriminate sexual activity, in general with someone who is not a spouse or a friend, in exchange for immediate payment in money or other valuables." It is considered the oldest profession. While prostitutes can be male, female or transgender and can include heterosexual and homosexual activities, it is predominantly female prostitutes with male

The Chronicles offices closed after death threat

The offices of the Santa Ramona Chronicles have been temporarily closed today after the editor, Venus Mari Zapedzki, received what appeared to be a death threat. The threat took the form of a padded envelope containing a bullet for a sniper’s rifle. The bullet was wrapped in a playing card – the Queen of Diamonds – with the word “CEASE” in capital letters written on it. The envelope, marked “Personal” and addressed to Ms Zapedzki was delivered to the Chronicles offices early in the morning. The Sheriff’s Office is investigating. This is the second incident involving Ms Zapedzki this week. On Sunday an anonymous caller drew her attention to a casket which turned out to contain a rattles

Hotel Cortez under new management

Santa Ramona Valley’s most prominent hotel, the Hotel Cortez on Imperial Avenue, has been bought by an international group, the Barone Corporation. They have plans for renovation and improvements, and promise to bring its historical and vintage glamour back. The Barone Corporation own a famous traditional vineyard in the central Italian region of Tuscany. This vineyard produces a Chianti, that has been given the highest award in the Italian wine industry, the DOCG or Denominazione di Origine Controllata e Garantita. This classification is a guarantee of the wine’s quality from the Italian government, marked by the numbered government seal on each bottle. The corporation also owns a viney

The Charge Soda Man

We all know Dr Roberts from the Charge Soda adverts, extolling its praises. Or maybe from the TV interview on the Ella Show. And now Santa Ramona Valley’s newest celebrity has agreed to an interview with the Chronicles. Dr Gunther Roberts is a psychiatrist at Santa Ramona General Hospital, and we interviewed him on his lunch break. He qualified at Chicago University and did his residency in Chicago as well. He’s worked in New York, Atlanta and his last place of work before coming to Santa Ramona was Dallas. He’s a recent arrival in Santa Ramona. Explaining his moves, he told the Chronicles that most of his patients are what he calls “short term situations”. He helps out people with speci

Fourth of July

Photos of the Fourth of July fireworks in Santa Ramona Valley. Fireworks display by "Flash". Photos by Dr Allie Brentt. Sponsored by Santa Ramona Sheriff's Department.

Break-in at the Mayor’s home

We have received reports of an attempted burglary at the home of Mayor Roisin Russo. According to information received by the Chronicles, the burglar was apprehended in the act by Mayor Russo, who held the burglar at gunpoint until the police arrived. The Sheriff’s Department have confirmed that they were called to Mayor Russo’s address and that a suspect has been arrested. They will not give further details. The suspect is believed to be Lusinda Zeritonga, who, we are led to understand, has a previous police record for prostitution. She has been charged with Breaking & Entering along with Attempted Robbery of the Mayor's house. After being questioned, she was released on bail pending

What is Charge Soda?

Everybody in Santa Ramona Valley must have heard about Charge Soda. Its adverts play all the time on the TV and it’s available in stores and bars throughout the city. But what is it? And do its energy claims stand up? Charge Soda comes in three flavors. Apple, Citrus and Tropical Twist. It is manufactured in Mexico and claims to contain no narcotics. Its TV advert asserts that it contains “more energy than five cups of coffee” and is “what you need to connect with your innermost desires." So the Chronicles decided to investigate. Charge Soda was developed by Dr Gunther Roberts, a psychiatrist and skilled hypnotist. In a recent TV interview he made the claim that Charge Soda is better tha