The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

Escaped Convict Still on the Loose

Last week The Chronicle ran an issue about escaped prisoner Jade Aura Vertilo. 36 year old Jade Aura Vertilo is still at large in SRV. She escaped from jail in Sacramento where she was serving time for multiple murders carried out here in SRV. 500K reward for info leading to arrest as has been offered by Mayor Castle. She is dangerous and most likely armed, call 911 if you see her do not approach.

Bikers Against Domestic Violence Takes Off in SRV

Citizens of Santa Ramona Valley can rest a bit easier tonight. With the rise in domestic violence and sexual assault cases, help is coming from an unexpected source. The Hell's Horsemen Motorcycle Club has stepped up as a part of the "Bikers Against Domestic Violence" campaign. This campaign's goal is to help survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault to feel safe and protected. Motorcycle Club members escort survivors to police stations and to court appearances in the hope that the bit of protection will help the survivor feel secure. "As owner of Alley Cats, I employ a lot of women. It's my job to protect them from unwanted advances," Victor Rolakov, President of the Hell's Horsemen

Convict with Local Ties Escapes

A convicted murderer serving time in Sacramento, California has escaped, according to a news from SRPD. Lieutenant Azariah Brentt says that 36 year old Jade Aura Vertilo escaped from the facility in Sacramento, where she was serving time for multiple murders carried out here in SRV and it is believed she is heading back to Santa Ramona. Vertilo is female, has red hair and a Harley Quinn tattoo. SRPD were informed about Vertilo's escape late on 19th and immediately increased patrols in the Valley. "We're following every lead that we receive. We're in a position where we absolutely need the public's help," Lieutenant Brentt states. "Which is why we are offering $1,000 reward for any infor

Police Briefs

02/10/19 "Attempted Suicide by Cop" On Sunday 10th February 19, during the grand opening of SouthSide Outreach Clinic, a male who there to perform the opening ceremony arrived very intoxicated. He was confronted by an SRPD Officer who was already on site. As the Officer tried to detain for his own safety as he was bumping into things he pulled a gun. The SRPD Officer then drew his own firearm and ordered the male drop his. The male then continued for sometime to try and goad the SRPD into shooting him. Back was called for and another Officer arrived on scene to assist. The Officers managed to get to males firearm off of him and after appeals from the doctors on site agreed to place him on


*******El Continental******************** Enjoy fine imported cigars and whiskey in our tastings, a beautiful and inspiring environment with the class and style only those who have a great taste could appreciate. El Continental is not a Club but able to supply imported cigars and Whiskey from all around the world. We have a bar inside to do tastings and also to enjoy inside as if you were in any Elite Gentlemen Club. As they say, you can't buy happiness but you can buy cigars & whiskey and that 's pretty close. Come to El Continental located in SVR 43 Player Biz Shop (next to Alley Cats Club) or call UberMe and we will have delivered to your doorstep any special gift or any merchandise wish


Tree of Life ~ Dating and Counseling Looking for that elusive girlfriend? Or that Mr. Right that never comes? We have hundreds of bachelors and bachelorettes of all colours, sizes, and orientations. Proven record of couples that tie the knot with our services. We also provide counseling for the lonely, those with cold feet, and them on the rocks. Tree of Life, where love just grows. ((You can go to the shop at 82 Shady Street, Chinatown, and find a console that dispenses a questionnaire if you would like to participate in *coughs* random *coughs* technologically advanced, with digital precision, dating.))

SRV Radio's Failed Grand Opening

SRV Radio's Grand opening was February 9th at 6pm. If two people showed up it was too much. Although it may seem that some were listening from thier homes, not many showed up to the grand opening event. Becca Nerdy Plumb was unavailable for questioning but the owner of the station seemed unhappy when leaving for the night at the station. What does this mean for the Radio station? Will it survive? We will keep you posted!

February 10th Horoscopes

Aries Feb 10, 2019 - Certain people close to you are very demanding today. They may ask you to deal with thankless tasks that use up your precious energy. Avoid spreading yourself too thin if you want to reach your goals. Usually you aren't afraid of anything. Nothing can get in your way. From now on, take the time to think about things before you act, Aries. That way, your dreams will come true more quickly. Taurus Feb 10, 2019 - You and your friends may have been planning a party for some time. Now you realize it's entirely up to you to actually make things happen, Taurus. It seems that if you're going to get anywhere, you need to take charge and delegate responsibility. You like to be in

Best Burgers

Who has the burgers and fries in Santa Ramona Valley? That question has debated often and in some cases loudly. The current class of burger serving places is: -Wolfe's Tavern -Juan's 1 Stop Drive In -The Diner -Beach Burgers In the spirit of professional journalism this reporter bit the burger and went to each. The burger at Wolfe's arrived hot from the grill. It was thick and juicy despite being cooked beyond the medium rare requested. The fries however arrived so over salted they were almost inedible. I was told that the chef was having a bad day and the fries were replaced with good ones as the first mention of displeasure. Admittedly Wolfe's is a tavern first and for

El Toro Open Under New Management

El Toro Mexican Bar & Grill reopens under the management of Hase and Mercedes Stransky. The menu has been upgraded along with the decor. While you're there try to keep your seat on the mechanical bull. This reporter suggest a margarita or three afterwards.

Press Release for Missing Person Evelyn Teague

On Saturday 2nd February a vigil was set up in park for a Ms Evelyn Teague who at that point had been missing for over a week. “I would like to make it clear to your readers that prior to this point we had no knowledge of this Person being missing, no report had ever been submitted to us. After Saturday I sort out Father Benedict Asher and obtained details to open an investigation.” said Lieutenant Azariah Brentt of SRPD. Ms Teague last known whereabouts where some months ago when she was an impatient at a psychiatric facility out of town possibly in Lafourche, where it is also believed Ms Teague might of gone to attend school also. Its unknown when Ms Teague returned to SRV or if she discha

Justice for the Unheard, a Lesson in Ethics of Journalism

This is a response received from the unheard voice of Dr. Evelyna Stone, in response to a recent article published overnight titled "Screaming Infidelity". California Star Tribune Publishers has always represented the highest caliber of journalism available to the public in our great state of California and manages the content provided to the public provided by the Santa Ramona Valley Chronicles. We strongly believe in unbiased reporting and hope to continue to see the Santa Ramona Valley Chronicles publish unbiased and de-sensationalized content in the future. News Reporting Code of Ethics: -Ethical Journalism should be accurate and fair. -Ethical journalism treats sources, subjects, collea

Screaming Infidelity

SRVC recently met with Mr. Jordan Russo. In light of recent events, Mr. Russo wished to clear the air and give his account of the events that sparked the confrontation between himself and Governor Stone at the candlelight vigil on February 2nd. Letter to the Editor, Anyone who was at the vigil on February 2nd is probably aware of the allegations levied against me. I feel that given the severity of those allegations, I have no option but to go public with the truth as ugly as it may be. On the night of January 14th, Evelyna Stone came to my apartment with a man who was not her husband to spend time with me and someone who was not my wife. I am leaving the names of these people out of this, be

Raven's Nest Seeking Staff

The Raven's Nest Irish Pub (Southside. 48 Rookery St opp. Lock-n-Load) Grand Opening soon. Keep an eye and ear out for our advertisments for the date. Currently we are looking for expressions of interest for people to work as: * Bartenders (IMPORTANT POSITION), * Entertainers such as folk singers, musicians such as guitar players, possibly even stand up comedians/open mic (Stage is set in the VIP area), * Various general staffing positions such as wait staff. We're offering excellent pay and Medical Benefits (including Dental). If you're interested for long term or casual work please contact: Kyle Estacado (Inox Ravenheart), Owner. Lillian Llewellyn, General Manager. Walk in interv

An Open Letter From Father Benedict

I think it’s safe to say that we are all appalled by what happened on Saturday. What was meant to be a moment for us to come together in peace and unity was instead the scene of great upheaval. We completely forgot about the lost young woman whose face stared out at us, that likeness captured in some much happier and more hopeful moment. We ceased to care when we spat venom and threw punches at one another, and though I’m sure some of you must be saying it’s a disgrace to the city that it happened, that’s not exactly true. Or, I should say, it’s not precise enough... I need you to know -and please believe me this is hard for me to say- that the disgraced one here is me. If anyone should be a

Governor and Mayor Arrested During Candlelight Vigil

Following the disappearance of Evelyn Teague, Father Benedict of The Santa Ramona Valley Church held a candlelight vigil at the park in front of the Hotel Cortez. The vigil drew quite a crowd, including both Governor Jake Stone and Mayor Frank Castle. Teague has been missing for approximately a week, whereabouts unknown. Right before 5pm, tensions arose between more than one patron attending the service; one being Governor Stone and another man. In an erratic attempt to stop the situation from getting out of hand, Mayor Castle withdrew his personal firearm and discharged a round into the air. When asked by an Officer present at the vigil to put the gun away, Castle refused and fired off a