THE sANTA rAMONA cHRONICLES

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

Adding Heat to the Flames

The Santa Ramona Valley Fire Department is hiring. Fight fires, rescue kittens and all around look hot. For more information please contact Tavros 'Tav' Nitram(Raven.Chambers) at the SRVFD. The SRVPD is also hiring. Folks interested in helping protect citizens should contact Lt Azariah Brentt (uaay)

Human Trafficking Hits SRV?

Unconfirmed reports claim human traffickers have come to Santa Ramona Valley. According to a source close to the event a young woman was auctioned off this weekend to the highest bidder. Folks in the audience could be heard referring to her as a slave and calling out lewd and horrifying acts they wanted to use her for. The final price apparently reached at least five digits, some even said higher.

Flaming Roadrunner

Thursday, October 18th a car exploded outside the hospital. The yellow Plymouth Roadrunner belonging to Mr Barry Bracegirdle aka Barry the Nose burst into flames at approximately 2:30 in the afternoon. The SRVFD fought heavy smoke and fire to contain the blaze. No injures were reported and the cause of the fire is as yet unknown.

Classified Ads

The Santa Ramona Police Dept and looking for a few volunteers to help them with some training exercises they have coming up. No experience needed and all instructions will be given on the day. Any interested should contact Lt Azariah Brentt (uaay)for information. Moderate payments might be possible....those interested call Lt Brentt SRPD ********************************************** This Halloween Season every Trick deserves a Treat. Whether it's skeletons looking for a hot place to stick their bones, Or superheros looking for some red Kryptonite to unleash their naughty side, For a Devilishly good time call (555)555-6969 and ask for Scarlett. ((IM Scarlett Blaze or Catori Bennet)) **

This Week's Parties

Santa Ramona Valley is a hotbed of entertainment possibilities. Here are some excerpts from this last week. Pizza and a Pool Did you know you can get free pizza any Tuesday night? That's right. Every Tuesday night Tito's Pizza sponsors a pizza night. The location changes, but the pizza and the good times are a regular thing. This week Tito's Tuesday was at the recently opened SRV Community Pool. While the event was sparsely attended everyone had a great time. The veggie pizza was loaded and delicious. The other styles were going just as fast. According to Jordan, the owner of the local Tito's Pizza, the event will be at the pool again this week. Creative Clothing Friday night patron

Statement to the Press: Chief Jade of SRPD cleared and reinstated

Chief Jade was placed on administrative duty during this Internal Affairs investigation. However, after reviewing the bodycam footage and statements from the Chief and Lieutenant that support said footage,it is the determination of this office to release Chief Sarina Jade from all restrictions and fully reinstate her as Chief and full duty. If Chief Jade is in need of any time off or counseling, this office extends the full resources of the SRVPD and City Hall to her disposal. The DA's office thanks Chief Jade for her faithful and honored service to the citizens of Santa Ramona Valley, California. -District Attorney Evelyna Stone

Statement to the Press: Regarding the invasion and hostage situation at Alley Cats

Saturday, September 29th, Santa Ramona Valley Police Department received a call that they found to originate from Alley Cats, the burlesque club in Chinatown. The call was initially classed as a check in, as the caller did not speak. Another call came in as police were arriving and the call stated that there was a man with a gun, raping someone. The doors were locked to the club and there was no answer to the police’s request to gain entry. The police heard a gunshot and used force to enter the club and began a multi area sweep of the building, during which time they heard another gunshot. Upon entering a part of the club, they witnessed several people wounded and bleeding, and a mal

Are you safe in your own home?

Your own home should be safe. This is a universal idea, shared by many, including many Santa Ramona citizen. Including Sara Howley. This idea was shattered when she spotted a masked intruder in her home recently. “I saw his reflection in the glass.” Howley described, “demon mask but with only one horn. And it wasn't red, it was like grays and browns, full and wrinkly, almost like a foo dog.” Howley had recently returned home to her apartment after a walk with her puppy, Bringle, when the attack took place. She described the horrific event as both random and bizarre, on top of terrifying. “He had a knife and it was against my throat almost immediately. He kept calling me Rapunzel and had