The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

Escaped Fugitive is in Custody after Gunfire with the Governor

A residential address on Pacific Avenue was the scene of a late night shooting this past Wednesday. Police were called to the scene, along with EMS arriving after a female caller dialed 911. Officers at the time, reportedly, were chasing a wanted criminal, who managed to find his way into the home of District Attorney, Evelyna Stone and her husband, Governor Jay Stone. A source states that the scene was "...bloody. The male suspect lay collapsed on the floor and looked pretty beat up. He was suffering from a concussion and broken rib, among other broken bones." The source went on to state Governor Stone was shot in the right arm and Officers had apparently arrived after the suspect had

Narcotic Advisory Level Raises to… Pink?

A new strain of drug product has been making the rounds in the city of Santa Ramona. The pink narcotic substance is crushed into a powder and has been discovered on several people who were suffering from physical injuries and needed EMS or were the victims of a violent assault. A source, who was on location during a 33-year-old male's cardiac arrest, described how the drug was found on the patient whom was suffering from an apparent opiate overdose in which the secondary outcome saw him sent into cardiac arrest. On his person there appeared to be various pills in his pocket, along with the pink powdered substance in a baggy. This Friday, another baggy of the same corresponding substa

A Stalker Among Us

This week a young woman, missing for a month, was found alive by Santa Ramona Police and a Fire Department member in a run down trailer off the Dusty Trails road, located in an area of the city which leads out to hills, a forest of Redwoods and various trails. The young woman has been identified as Ms. Domini Daylight, AKA Snow, a nineteen year old student at Santa Ramona college, according to an anonymous source. See reference article here. The anonymous source revealed that Ms. Daylight was found chained to a bed in one of the rooms of the trailer, looking malnourished and with various cuts on her body, with one major cut along her thigh. Ms. Daylight was also reported to be suffering from

Frank's Fury

There are a few forms of arguing: passive, persuasive, loudly vocal and physical. Frank Castle favors the last. On the evening of Monday September 18, 2018, Mr. Castle was in Santa Ramona Valley Court to try and defend himself. The courtroom was sparsely attended with the Judge, District Attorney, Mr. Castle, Bailiff Rusty, Court Reporter Jeanette and this reporter; present at the start of the event. “Frank Castle is charged with aggravated battery, your honor” District Attorney Stone began at the request of Judge Gil T Justice. The case stems from the August 17, 2018 beating of local, Zen Charisma, at Creamy Center Cafe. Mr. Castle announced to the court he was not guilty. However, that w

Looking Good

Did you know Santa Ramona Valley has its own modeling agency? Paramount Modeling Company is located at 31 Pacific Ave. The agency, run by Catori Bennett, currently has a dozen models; male and female. The agency provides not only models but "professional guests at events" says Ms Bennett. "We go to parties and hang out mingle with guests and make people feel comfortable and welcomed." Paramount Modeling is currently seeking clients, individuals and businesses looking to utilize the best Santa Ramona Valley has to offer in advertising their business. The agency can handle print, radio and video advertising. They are hoping to expand into live shows for the right clients. With models n

Safety Time

With the start of a new school year comes a good time to remind citizens the importance of personal safety. The Santa Ramona Police department recommends the following: Be aware of your surroundings. You wouldn’t text and drive so don’t text and walk. Having your head down over a phone signals would be attackers you aren’t paying attention. Travel in groups. Most predators will go for the lone creature away from the herd, criminals are much the same. There is safety in numbers. Walk in the light. A dark alley short cut may save you time but at the cost of your life potentially. It’s better to be late than dead. When in doubt, scream it out. If you feel threatened don’t stay silent ab

Runaway Mayor

Evelyn Stone, the District Attorney for Santa Ramona Valley had cleared tonight's court docket for one, and only one hearing. "The prosecution has nothing. The docket was cleared for Aria de Saragosa to continue her case yet again and against the state's recommendation, it was sanctioned by judge Justice. And now the mayor has decided to escape to Mexico and leave her responsibility to this city and her charges." DA Stone said. The courts decided to flag Mayor de Saragosa's records and will pursue a bench warrant if she is spotted in the area. "I feel like we will flag her file and if she shows back up in town, seek action at that time. She has certainly wasted enough of the taxpayers money

Ad: Seeking Japanese Interpreter

The Santa Ramona Police Department is seeking a Japanese interpreter. The position is for an immediate, temporary need and pays $250 per hour. Applicants should contact Sarina Jade or Viktoriya Lasin at the SRPD general line. A background check will be required.


Santa Ramona Police Department are asking for your help with a missing person case they are investigating. On Wednesday, 1st of August this year, the SRPD were given an audio recording that was left on the phone of the boyfriend of Ms. Domi Daylight, aka Snow. Lieutenant Azariah Brentt of SRPD said “The recording appeared to be of Ms. Daylight, who had been going to a photo shoot for a modeling job she had been offered. There was screaming and crying in the background and Ms. Daylight appeared to sound distressed.” Ms. Daylight is described as 19 years of age, white, with black hair, of average height. It is believed she was a student of Santa Ramona University. Police are deeply troubled by

Dear penpal,

You paint words of threat and lie, On bended ear, you claim they cry. But only cowards hide their face, Alone, in darkness embrace. You take a life, a misery to agonize, A silent ache, her demise. You want a voice, a deed in lights, A way to air your sick delights. But you will learn, your knock means naught, This “bore” will not be forced, will not be bought. So keep your Princess, close at hand, For she’s the only one you can command.

A Missing Aztec Artifact

How are the British Museum, the Aztec Empire and Santa Ramona Valley tied together? Possibly by a missing $600,000 theft. On June 17, 2018 a traveling exhibit from the British Museum as robbed in New York. One of the items taken was a ancient coatl called the Jaded Serpant. "The Coatl is an Aztec soldier's ceremonial breastplate. It has two heads that are tied up by a tail" according to Eduardo Ignacio Suarez Romero, a member of the Obsidian Serpents. "The Obsidian Serpents are descended from Aztecs, both genetically and culturally." The small (8 inch x 17 inch x 2 inch) "is made of cedro wood and covered with mosaic made of turquoise and red thorny oyster shell." Mr. Romero believ

A Brush with Chaos

On Saturday, August 11th a hooded figure stalked a young woman through town. When the pair reached the vacant parking spots across from the church the hooded figure attacked. The attacker, known as the Chaos Killer, tried to jab the woman with a needle. The victim used her camera flash as a distraction but it was sheer luck that the attacker stumbled. The fact that heroin would be found in the attacker's system probably helped that stumble, giving the victim a chance to fight back. The Chaos Killer grabbed the woman's hair, coming at her with a knife. "Ended up with three stitches but one of my swings connected and I pushed. He let go of my hair when he fell backwards. I took off run

$20,000 Reward Offered

As the search for Theo Courvoisier continues police have decided to offer a $20,000 reward for viable information that leads to the apprehension of the man, accused of kidnapping and torturing multiple Santa Ramona citizens. Courvoisier escaped custody during his trial after the judge ordered a courtroom window open. The air conditioning had gone out in the courtroom and the judge was sweating. Chief of Police, Sarina Jade, relayed the wanted posters all over town have been ineffectual. "They were getting vandalized which leads me to believe he's still in the area." Cheif Jade believes that Courvoisier has associates aiding his evasion of the police. "He's a smart man or he wouldn't ha

Alice's Rabbit Hole All Grown Up

Today marked the grand opening of The Foxhole. It is Santa Ramona Valley's first LGBTQ bar and dance club. The outside brick facade is nothing to really look at but once you pass under the flashing sign be prepared to see it all. Inside the garishly decorated rooms the waitstaff is wearing the bare minimum but are very attentive. The drinks served were good and strong. The club will not serve meals but will have bar snacks available. The club colors of purple, teal and dark blue are prominent throughout. Each represents one of the owners Kido, Gin and Kristian Fox. The walls are covered with explicit photographs. The front room is where the bar and dance floor are located. Behind