THE sANTA rAMONA cHRONICLES

The Santa Ramona Chronicles

Local News & Events

July 9, 2020

The offices of the Santa Ramona Chronicles have been temporarily closed today after the editor, Venus Mari Zapedzki, received what appeared to be a death threat.

The threat took the form of a padded envelope containing a bullet for a sniper’s rifle. The bullet was wrapped in a playing card – the Queen of Diamonds – with the word “CEASE” in capital letters written on it.

The envelope, marked “Personal” and addressed to Ms Zapedzki was delivered to the Chronicles offices early in the morning.


The Sheriff’s Office is investigating.

This is the second incident involving Ms Zapedzki this week. On Sunday an anonymous caller drew her attention to a casket which turned out to contain a rattlesnake.

Anyone phoning the Chronicles will have their call forwarded, so we are hoping for a minimum of disruption.

July 8, 2020

Santa Ramona Valley’s most prominent hotel, the Hotel Cortez on Imperial Avenue, has been bought by an international group, the Barone Corporation. They have plans for renovation and improvements, and promise to bring its historical and vintage glamour back.

The Barone Corporation own a famous traditional vineyard in the central Italian region of Tuscany. This vineyard produces a Chianti, that has been given the highest award in the Italian wine industry, the DOCG or Denominazione di Origine Controllata e Garantita. This classification is a guarantee of the wine’s quality from the Italian government, marked by the numbered government seal on each bottle.

The corporation also owns a vineyard producing Prosecco in the northern Italian region of Veneto

The new hotel CEO will be Alessandro Vicentini, who is also the International Logistic Manager of Vino Barone.  The Hotel Cortez is their first hotel acquisition.

The corporation is still working on its renovation plans.
 

July 8, 2020

We all know Dr Roberts from the Charge Soda adverts, extolling its praises. Or maybe from the TV interview on the Ella Show. And now Santa Ramona Valley’s newest celebrity has agreed to an interview with the Chronicles.

Dr Gunther Roberts is a psychiatrist at Santa Ramona General Hospital, and we interviewed him on his lunch break. He qualified at Chicago University and did his residency in Chicago as well. He’s worked in New York, Atlanta and his last place of work before coming to Santa Ramona was Dallas. He’s a recent arrival in Santa Ramona.

Explaining his moves, he told the Chronicles that most of his patients are what he calls “short term situations”. He helps out people with specific problems and once he’s helped they don’t need him any more. After a year or two he moves on.

So how did a psychiatrist come to invent an energy drink? Dr Roberts explained that he has a specialty in metabolic aid. A lot of his patients had tried a variety of supplements to self-medicate, and so,...

July 5, 2020

Photos of the Fourth of July fireworks in Santa Ramona Valley.                                                                         

Fireworks display by "Flash".

Photos by Dr Allie Brentt.

Sponsored by Santa Ramona Sheriff's Department.

July 3, 2020

We have received reports of an attempted burglary at the home of Mayor Roisin Russo. According to information received by the Chronicles, the burglar was apprehended in the act by Mayor Russo, who held the burglar at gunpoint until the police arrived.

The Sheriff’s Department have confirmed that they were called to Mayor Russo’s address and that a suspect has been arrested. They will not give further details.

The suspect is believed to be Lusinda Zeritonga, who, we are led to understand, has a previous police record for prostitution. She has been charged with Breaking & Entering along with Attempted Robbery of the Mayor's house.

After being questioned, she was released on bail pending trial.

We were unable to contact the Mayor for comment.

July 1, 2020

Everybody in Santa Ramona Valley must have heard about Charge Soda. Its adverts play all the time on the TV and it’s available in stores and bars throughout the city. But what is it? And do its energy claims stand up?

Charge Soda comes in three flavors. Apple, Citrus and Tropical Twist. It is manufactured in Mexico and claims to contain no narcotics. Its TV advert asserts that it contains “more energy than five cups of coffee” and is “what you need to connect with your innermost desires." So the Chronicles decided to investigate.

Charge Soda was developed by Dr Gunther Roberts, a psychiatrist and skilled hypnotist. In a recent TV interview he made the claim that Charge Soda is better than a full night’s sleep “for giving you energy”.

In the same interview he said that it was Charge Soda’s special formula that gave it the kick of a traditional energy drink without “all the excessive jitters and calories”. But he also admitted, later on, that it has the same sugar levels as a traditio...

June 29, 2020

Want a little more pep in your Beamer, some more zip in your 300ZX, then maybe you should visit Nat B the Car Angel, owner and top mechanic at Fallen Angel Custom Auto at the corner of Imperial Avenue and Sedona Drive. Customizing your auto for the best performance or detailing for improved style is what she says she's all about.

We interrupted Nat as she was fine tuning a sporty Nissan in her garage to find out how she became interested in opening Fallen Angel only to discover her love of cars and motorcycles went back to her early years.

"Well my dad was a biker, and one day he found this old beat up 1929 Indian Chieftain sitting neglected in a junkyard. I think he paid $100 for that bike. He spent years working on restoring that bike to her former glory. I was 10 when he finished her and I demanded to ride on the back with him to the bike show where he first showed her off."

“My dad passed when I was 17. I’ve been in to cars and motorcycles ever since he brought home that 29 Chie...

June 26, 2020

Mayor Roisin Russo held her first Town Hall last night, Thursday, June 25th. It was attended by over a dozen citizens wanting to hear more about her plans for the city, but it ended in chaos.

Mayor Russo opened the meeting by talking about her proposal to have SRV Studios create a documentary about Santa Ramona Valley.  

She indicated that nothing had been settled but it was her vision that the documentary focus on the history and heritage of Santa Ramona, not necessarily its businesses. She doesn't want to see the documentary become an advertisement for area businesses. She also indicated that she didn't have a price point for cost of the documentary but that she felt the city should cover the majority of it along with donations. 

The mayor indicated she feels the documentary could be played at prime time several times and that it should draw in tourists which will produce a return on the investment. Joseph Styles, owner of The Boiler Room offered to donate $10,000 to the documentary. Ma...

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